Mum an her graduation day that she completed whilst fighting bowel cancer = superstar!

I have kept meaning to post this for some time. I wanted to share it for friends and family, but also as a place to archive it for the future. Who knows, maybe I’ll be reading it again aged 80 reminding myself of the life I have lead is due to this writing I did at 33 years old. I have thought about the life I want to lead and the things I want to do with it a lot since Mum’s death. I imagine my life in future is going to be positively effected due to that, and later I will be able to say that this was the catalyst for all the change that is going to happen.

The first half of this memoir (if you want to call it that) was written first hand from my Mum. Sadly over the course of 2012 did not return to writing and finishing what she started. Her request was that ‘Jan’s bit’ was read out at her funeral, but for that to happen it needed to be expanded upon by a third person. Gratefully her Brother Gerald Ward wrote down a number of events written ‘as Mum’, but after some discussion I rewrote the second half from our, her family’s perspective.

My Brother read the following out at Mum’s funeral with myself stood by his side. The service was held on the 10th December at Polruan’s Saint Saviour Church after burial service at Church of Saint Wyllow, which is found just outside the village.

In memory of Mum…

Janet Lyle-Stokes 23rd August 1954 – 28th November 2012

Born in rural Shropshire at Whiston, my childhood was idyllic. Beautiful countryside, my father’s parents living next door, my mother’s parents in the village a couple of miles away and good country living. Vegetables and fruit from the garden, eggs from the hens and a once a week delivery of meat and groceries. No modern technology, how perfect those days were – my tomboy days with my brother, Gerry. I do have a sister, Rachel, but she wasn’t into fishing, tree climbing and straw bale jumping! Gerry and I had hours of fun exploring the countryside on our doorstep. I spent a lot of my time with my grandparents in the village. I loved the fluffed-up feather bed Gran provided. It was so warm with the flannelette sheets. She taught me such a lot about life and became not only my Gran but she was also my best friend and rock. We adored each other.

A move to Worcestershire was short lived when Grampy died of Bowel Cancer. February 1969 we moved to Telford. I went to Abraham Darby Comprehensive School and joined the choir where I met up again with my music teacher from my Shropshire days! I loved the choir and dragged my friend, Annie, to be a member. We sang at local festivals and it was at the Newport festival after singing ‘The Heavens Are Telling The Glory of God’ that the adjudicator stated we were the best choir he had ever heard. We all became integral members of the newly formed British Youth Choir. We performed with all the other members at Sheffield Cathedral. The BYC still survives!

I trained at Harrogate in the early 1970s as a nurse. My intention was to return to Telford to the new hospital to work there. I qualified and there were still no foundations laid down for the new hospital!

I stayed in Harrogate for a while doing Gynaecology and moved to St Albans to do Infections and Diseases before moving to the Sue Ryder home at Stagenhoe. I had a Honda 50cc motorcycle at this time…

It is at this point that the saying “A mother’s work is never done” is never truer. Jan never finished the rest of her story. So with the help of family and the trio that consists of Stuart, Kayleigh and Dale, we have tried our best at completing the achievements and memories of Jan for you.

As she mentioned, she would often spend time with Gerry and get herself into scraps with him, which once meant a cricket ball breaking her nose – this was a story often told to her three children that Stuart her eldest remembers.

Gerry himself recalls a day where they all went fishing using home-made elderberry rods and Father’s finest line from his match rod, probably his best floats too, and after all the jam sandwiches had been eaten Janet landed a carp. Plonking the poor fish head first into a metal seaside bucket they all raced back home some half mile away. Using their Mother’s enamelled laundry tub they quickly filled the tub up and let the monster swim around until their Dad came home. Secretly they were sure he was proud of their catch!

As time passed Jan moved to Leicester, had her first son Stuart with Peter in 1979, left nursing and began working as a seamstress. She eventually parted from Peter and it was shortly after that Gordon came into her life and they made a home with a new addition of a baby girl, named Kayleigh born March 1986. Within a year they had all moved to Wales and February 1987, Dale the youngest of the three, was born at the Princess of Wales Hospital in Bridgend.

The move to South Wales was brought about due to an offer of resuming her nursing career. Eventually Jan went on to work as a District Nurse in Cardiff which meant long hours away from her family. She always made an effort to spend quality time with her three children though, and with money never in abundance the children learned the joys of simple holidays in a caravan (apart from the one when the car was stolen near Swansea). They also spent much time in the great outdoors and were entertained by Bluecoats at Pontins in Somerset.

The marriage with Gordon had rocky times, which meant she focused on her children lots and formed great bonds with all three over the years as they grew up; so much so that they followed her to the ends of the earth – a place that many people call Cornwall.

Whilst in Cornwall she returned to work after a period of illness that she endured whilst living in Wales for the last few years. She loved working at ASDA near Bodmin; helping customers, being around people whilst she worked, and completed a management training course and advanced food hygiene training which meant she ran the in-store cafe.

It was at this point that her three children would like to ask “Who’s Paul?” and and close a chapter of her life that wasn’t full of happiness, but did mean she moved to Cornwall and eventually led her back to doing what she did best – caring for people.

Whilst working at ASDA there was a gentleman called Richard who Jan started to spend time with, and when she spoke of him there was a twinkle in her eye. As time went by their long walks together turned into a beautiful relationship and Richard encouraged her to return to nursing. Jan completed her return to nursing course and later went on to complete her diploma at Plymouth University, braving chemotherapy and showing utmost determination for her parents to see her graduate, in which they proudly witnessed in 2010.

Needless to say, Jan’s concerns about returning to nursing were unfounded and in the words of Angie, her co-worker whilst working at Fowey Hospital, who became a dear friend:

“She was a thoroughly reliable member of the team. From a boss point of view, she was one of those who I could leave a list of things to be done and Jan would always do as much as possible and more importantly, she would document it.”

“She had a good sense of fun. She also had a favourite word that was used if anyone was being stupid. Not repeatable in public and staff would know if you alluded to it. She was the strongest person I have ever known. Stubborn yes, but not unreasonable.”

“We grew to really love each other and could be very honest with each other. Jan and I both talked a lot – I don’t know how Richard put up with us!”

“As a person she was immensely proud of her children. She talked with fondness of her childhood. She had immense courage and was always thinking of others no matter how ill she was. Jan has helped and touched many lives never for her own glory. I will miss our chats, laughter and even the tears.”

I hope we have done her proud by filling in the gaps and I think we can all agree; that by living a life that helps others, where you put others before yourself and make others around you feel excited about their lives – that itself is a life worth living.

As the sun rose that morning the rain stopped and we had glorious sunshine every day until I left Cornwall Saturday – after the wet stormy weather it was somewhat ironic, but also fitting, as we now have the calm after the storm.

No monetary value could replace the gap left in our lives. No force known to mankind can change the circumstances we now face. The only thing I could ever ask for is more time.

Time is the most precious gift.

You often hear the following phrases:

• I have all the time in the world for them.
• Any time!
• We had a superb time!

All phrases that signify that time means a lot to the person. There are also negative phrases that mean they will not waste time on a person or task.

I was close to my Mum, but now I know how little I actually knew about her. Sadly the time for learning about her in her own words has passed; we don’t have that time, time has passed us by, and maybe time wasn’t on our side.

Mum did teach me about time though:

• Give people the time of day.
• Spend time listening to people.
• Time is a healer.

The most precious gift is one that we all have the ability to give and receive, but yet the thing we waste the most, and more so as times have changed. With new ways to waste time, many of which far out weigh the benefits of time saving inventions and methods, you are often left wondering “Where does it all go?”

Sadly time is limited, never to be seen again, ultimately making it the most precious gift we have.

Photo credit: asenat29

No, what I mean is the day I look at my Facebook profile and ask myself “What am I still doing here?”

Yesterday after work I sat mostly with my phone scrolling up and down their stupid timeline whilst watching crap TV. It then gets late in the evening, I pull my laptop out to do something constructive finally (like posting to my trance music blog) and after a while of some more screwing about on Facebook the long awaited option of ‘Promote This Post’ for personal profiles pops up…

Why the outburst on here today about this new feature? I think Facebook is losing the plot. Simple as that.

In a desperate measure to get some money in their pockets after their share prices plummeted it seems they are rolling out promoted to posts to personal profiles for some easy cash. After all the hassle of saying you can’t act as a business on a personal profile account they are expecting Joe Public to stump up cash to promote posts of their dogs and cats, or in this case, a post I shared from a Fanpage of all things. I like sharing, but paying for another businesses status update? You gotta be kidding me!

I do wonder if I’ll start seeing sponsored updates cropping up with friend’s names on them in the future. No doubt I will due to some people being DJs and event promoters, that I understand, but normal day to day people? I’ll be sure to name and shame the lamest update here and to close my Facebook account at the same time.

What do you think of this new feature? Will you be looking to make use of it?

Photo credit: bizbuzzmedia

“What would Jesus do?”

It got me thinking about who Jesus was and what he did from the stories we are told of him through the Bible.

I’m not religious, but I think Jesus is a great example of a leader and showed the following five qualities that we must all consider if we want to become leaders in our marketplace.

1. Share Information

Share everything you know and learn!

Do not hold back from providing all the information you can to help others. What good is it stored away in your head?

2. Care About Your Followers

Care for those around you, no matter who they are.

A leader must also show compassion when needed, you are human after all too!

3. Lead By Example

Being a leader means practising what you preach.

Show your followers the way by doing the very same things you ask of them.

4. Be Honest

“Honesty is the best policy” as the saying goes.

If you want to become a leader your followers will expect you to be honest in everything you say and do. You only have to look at the failed careers of dishonest public figures to see this.

5. Build Trust

Can people trust your advice?

Could they trust to ask you a question and for you to give them the answers, or at least provide some guidance? Can they trust that what you sell is what they need? People will especially trust you more if you share, care, lead by example and give yourself honestly.

What other tips would you share for people wanting to lead their marketplace? Please leave them in a comment below!

Photo credit: aehack

Poor Service Tarnishes A Good Product

If you have a problem area, rectify the situation as soon as possible because it affects the whole experience for your customer. It does not matter how good the end product is, if there are issues along the way that your customer does not expect then the overall experience will get tarnished.

Expect the unexpected, put plans in place for when you do have failures and identify your weaknesses.

For anyone interested; we went to Giraffe straight afterwards and ordered two of our favourite drinks and a bowl of edamame beans. So all’s well that ends well

What do you think the right ingredients are for running a successful business?

Photo credit: B Rosen

Recently I have had two occurrences on Twitter that have showed me the pit falls of this online communication tool. After I explain these two events I will then show different ways of communicating online and why I love them and hate them equally.

Using Twitter For ‘Chat’

Recently I made the following tweet:

Funny to see different writing styles and the way people treat their text to one another. Plus I'm amused at some plugin choices.

May 16, 2011 10:09 am via TweetDeckReplyRetweetFavorite

@StuartWooster

Stuart Wooster

Then I received a DM saying “I hope you’re not referring to me are you?” Eh oh…

Needless to say, I didn’t know what to reply with at first, but I felt I had to fix things as quickly as possible in 140 characters or less. I also felt I needed to tell my followers that I meant I had found my findings interesting and educational. By no means was I looking to upset anyone!

I’m very wary now of the wording I use on Twitter to avoid such confusion in future. I think the timing of the tweet was bad because I had recently viewed the person’s online work.

The second occasion involved chatting by DM.

Again you are restricted by character limit and the discussion was about two websites that were Twitter related. One is Buffer and the other is Twylah. Unfortunately wires got crossed as we were sending multiple DMs back and forth and the other party ended up explaining something via two DMs that I already understood because I had carried on talking about the other product but not referenced it (due to being restricted by the character limit).

Time is important to everyone, and most of all to the person who values it and uses it wisely. Needless to say they were frustrated and we had both learnt from the experience.

The Alternatives For Communicating Online

Here are the alternatives that I suggest using as soon as a conversation on Twitter starts taking shape and means you having to send multiple messages.

Email

The most common way of communicating online. Love it or loath it, it is here to stay.

Like:

• Being able to write more than 140 characters.
• Send attachments
• Easily searchable to reference/read later
• Organise into folders, unread, reply later, etc.

Dislike:

• Time delay.
• Again you can start talking about two topics and get wires crossed, especially if you are quickly firing off Emails and misusing it as a realtime chat substitute.
• Sometimes hard to understand the tone in which it is written in. Are they angry, being sarcastic, enthusiasm, joyful, etc.

Instant Messaging

I loved using this as a tool to interview music artists when submitting content to various websites. It let me breath a little but allowed me to reply with a question depending on something they may have mentioned in the answer to the previous question. Instant messaging is still a powerful tool for communication, so much so that Skype include it even though they are primarily a VoIP service.

Like:

• No time delay in waiting for a reply (as long as the person is paying attention to the conversation of course).
• You can reply back instantly and question something more in depth.
• No character limit (You would be hard pushed to hit the limit in my experience when copying and pasting text).
• You can organise people into lists.
• I can still share files just like Email, if anything I can share larger files than Email allows.

Dislike:

• Again you can not always tell the tone of the conversation.
• If you leave yourself logged in, some people will always expect you to be available. This is where making lists are handy so you appear offline to certain groups of people.
• Quite often you need the other person to use the same software.
• Difference in time zones can make having conversations difficult.

VoIP Service

Now we are talking!

This is where I prefer to do my real conversation. Not because I like to talk a lot, but because I am impatient God damn it!

Like:

• Instantaneous!
• I can hear the person’s tone of voice and understand their feelings more.
• If I have a question or misunderstanding it can be instantly corrected.
• I can still share files.

Dislike:

• If speaking to foreign or people with hard to understand accents (like me!), communication can in fact become more difficult.
• Not as easily accessible due to many mobile phone companies not allowing VoIP services to be used (or at least limiting data allowance with a fair use policy).
• Need the other person to use the same software.
• Again, difference in time zones can make having conversations difficult.

Video Calling

Due to broadband speeds increasing, this method is becoming ever more popular, especially in the arena of business meetings being held online.

Like:

• This time I can see facial reactions as well as their tone of voice.
• All of the other points I made for VoIP Service.

Dislikes:

• Same dislikes as VoIP Services.
• I have to sort my hair out

Which online communication method do you prefer to use for networking? Please share below!

Photo credit: farleyj

The thing about wishes is they are like anything else you desire in life, they have to be cultivated. You have to work to make them happen. They can feel like dreams, where they seemingly fall apart and start to drift away. You are left struggling, questioning yourself was it all a pipe dream, did you wish for something unobtainable?

No wish can come true unless you know what you are truly wishing for. No point saying “I’d like to be rich.” or “I want to see the world.” There has to be a plan behind the wish. So you need to plan how you are going to become rich, or plan where in the world you are going and how you are going to get there.

In simple terms there are five points to wishes coming true.

1. Define – What is the wish?
2. Plan – How are you going to make the wish come true?
3. Implement – Now do the doing to make the wish come true.
4. Wait – Patience, not everything happens over night.
5. Wish comes true!

I know this may sound airy fairy to some of you reading this, but wishes can come true. I know this to be true because my girlfriend says so everyday. Like anything else in life worth fighting for, they just take a little bit of work though

Photo credit: Louise Mizzi (Kissing a frog a few months before we met.)

STOP!!

Have you done all the simple steps I am about to show you so your account is in order and is presentable for your potential followers? There is no later with twitter. As soon as you make your first tweet you are putting yourself out there in the public domain, so each and everyone of these following steps should be implemented as standard so you:

• Look genuine.
• Presentable.
• Other Twitter users know who you are.
• They know what you do.
• Why you are there. (Giving information? Customer service? Looking to build relationships?)

Failure of any of the above will mean Twitter users pass you by never to be seen again. I don’t want that to happen to you, so step by step I am going to show you what I would do when opening a Twitter account. In fact I have an account in mind for a future project, so let’s get to it!

Setting Up A Twitter Account Correctly

Step 1 – Use your real name, enter Email address and password.

Step 2 – Decide on a Twitter Username.

This can be whatever you decide, but must be alphanumeric. Some examples of names are:

• Real name such as @StuartWooster.
• Brand name, think @Starbucks Coffee.
• Personal brand name. Where did John Saddington get @tentblogger from? Cool name huh?
• Or you may have an alter ego you like to use such as my friend Stuart Clark, who blogs personally as @moonklash and then professionally as @seostu.

Whatever you decide, you’ll be looking for the little green tick to say it is available.

Step 3 – Skip interests and importing address books. You do not want to start advertising your presence just yet.

Step 4 – Confirm your Email address that will be sent to the Email address you provided.

Step 5 – On the righthand side is a list of things Twitter would like you to do, skip to ‘Upload a profile picture’, unless you really want to switch on mobile notifications or download their mobile app.

Step 6 – Click on choose file and upload a square image.

Tip: Even though the image size displayed will only be 128 pixels on your Twitter homepage, upload an image larger in dimensions so it can be easily viewed bigger when people click on it (I do this regularly on my Android TweetDeck to have a better look at a profile image). For an example of this click on my @TrancefamilyCo profile picture and it will then display a 500 pixel image.

Step 7 – Fill in the following:

• Location – If you are a local business most certainly fill this in with the town/city, county/state and then country. Otherwise you may want to go with your country to stay anonymous, or as in this case I’m going with Globally/Worldwide/International.
• Web – Your website/blog address.
• Bio – Fill in details about yourself or your company, use keywords wisely as part of your description.

Tip: Also mention your website/blog address in the Bio. The reason for this is because I know Tweetdeck on Android mobiles does not show your web address, only the Bio when users view your profile. I am yet to find out if this is also the case for other Twitter clients on mobile devices.
People on other devices and the web will see the web address duplicated possibly, so it is your call. As lots of people do use Android and Tweetdeck it is my preference to add it in the Bio so they can visit if interested.

Step 8 – Creating a background and designing your page.

I highly recommend creating a custom background, or at least choosing custom colours that you are happy with and fit in with your brand.
For designing a custom background I’ll leave this one for the guys at Mashable to help you out with: HOW TO: Customize Your Background for the New Twitter.
Please do get in touch if you know of any better tutorials and I’ll update this section accordingly.

Step 9 - Read the post I made previously, 10 Ways To Gain More Twitter Followers! Then read even more about how to get more Twitter followers. There is no harm in learning, just do not get bogged down so you do not take action.

Step 10 - Your first tweet!

Introduce yourself explaining briefly what you aim to give followers through your tweets. Call it a mission statement. You need to set expectations for anyone who lands on your Twitter page in these early days (or should I say hours), before you can prove you are giving value on a daily basis. I don’t think a couple of informative tweets at this point would be wrong as you need to inspire them so they follow you. Just no selling and no lame “Hey I’ve joined Twitter at last!” dated 30 days ago with no status update since.

Hello all trance music loving people! This account is for the forthcoming site Trancefamily.co - The Trancefamily Community Site!

May 20, 2011 9:16 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@TrancefamilyCo

Stuart Wooster

Step 11 – Get Started On Twitter

Click on the Home tab and you will be able to complete the steps we skipped earlier such as browsing people you maybe interested in following and inviting contacts from various address books such as Gmail and LinkedIn.

Step 12 – Go back to Step 1 and make sure you have done each step

I truly hope that anyone thinking of starting a Twitter account for the first time, or even older users starting up a new account find this post helpful. If you enjoyed this post, please do not forget to subscribe to the blog by Email or by RSS reader.

Photo credit: David Chartier

Using the method Rich describes:

• Three years ago – I was a temporary worker in a factory, as the recession threatened my job.
• Two years ago – I was unemployed.
• A year ago – I was a temporary worker at the same factory again.
• Present day – I am a permanent member of staff at the factory.

Importantly, I am working towards my horizon. My current horizon is to become self-employed.

It feels so far away at times. I know it will happen, but I just can’t say when! It is frustrating, scary and makes me anxious at times. It also makes me feel excited, that I am achieving more and happier about where my life is going. As my girlfriend keeps telling me, I am on a journey!

Please share any tips below about how you evaluate your progress.

What do Tony Fitzjohn and Edwin C. Barnes have in common? They both had the desire to meet and work with men they had only read about and had no social relevance with!

In the first chapter of Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, he describes how Edwin C. Barnes makes a definite decision to meet the inventor Mr. Thomas Edison. Barnes is but a tramp (as Edison later describes him when recalling their first meeting), but this desire to meet and work with Mr. Edison drives him.

Last year I read an article about Tony Fitzjohn as he was releasing an autobiography about his work as a wildlife conservationist in Africa. He used a statement that struck a chord with the attitude of Mr. Barnes when describing how he was to meet his future mentor George Adamson.
To quote from that article in the British newspaper, the Daily Mail:

…at the age of 27, I decided to travel to Kenya in search of adventure.

I was bewitched by the country’s beauty and, inspired by reading George’s autobiography Bwana Game, I resolved to meet him.

Having made a definite decision both Barnes and Fitzjohn then had what Napoleon Hill calls ‘a burning desire’ to meet with their future co-worker and mentors.

Conclusion
If you make no decision, you have no desire. If you have no desire, you take no action and, in turn, nothing happens!
You can not expect your life to change positively if you lack desire. Just be sure that what you desire is something positive and has no negative attachment that will cause failure in any form.

Photo credit: puresolitude